Wednesday, February 22, 2012

How do you know if Mr. Right is right for you?

Through the years, I have been asked... How did you know that Daniel was the guy you were suppose to marry? Did you ever have doubts that he was the one for you? I will start by saying this... Choosing a mate is NOT easy! You will need to put forth extra effort, it is a HUGE life changing decision. Divorce is everywhere but it should not be an option for us as Christians. I believed from a very young age that God had a man out there for me and that I would settle for nothing less than HIS best. I did not plan to meet my husband at age 14, nor did I want to. It wasn't part of my plan. Looking back though, I see how God brought all the pieces together in His perfect timing! Daniel and I had a very strong friendship and deep love for each other during our relationship. Rarely did we have an argument about anything. We had so much in common and agreed on so much that it was almost comical. Then, I got close to turning 18 and things started changing. I started looking older and realized that other guys were noticing me. Daniel started asking me while I was in Brazil about getting married at 19 and I realized at that point that marriage could be very near for me and that Daniel had to be more than just my best friend or a good boyfriend if we were going to be married. We got engaged and I began to analyze him and the whole situation in a totally different light. Being that we lived hundreds of miles from each other and had to rely on phone talks to even have a relationship, lots of things came out during this time and we began to argue. Sometimes I hung up the phone in tears and temporarily wondered if I was making the right decision. I had to face the fact that he wasn't perfect. He did things in private that let me down.  I had to face the fact that I would be moving hundreds of miles away from people who loved me. I had to accept the fact that his parents didn't like me as much I wanted them to. The decision and weight on my shoulders was huge and I ended up in tears a lot!  I hated the fact that I had to live apart from him right up until our wedding day and that he couldn't be part of wedding plans and we couldn't get marriage counseling or go on dates together on a regular basis. It was hard to always be working things out from such a long distance. Sometimes the cons of marrying Daniel seemed to outweigh the pro's. However, I prayed a lot and asked myself the following questions...

1. Can I live in another state for the rest of my life? Can I accept the fact that my immediate family will not be a big part of my life because of this? That I won't have them around to help me when I start a family? 

2. Do I believe that Daniel is the one God chose for me to marry before my life even began?

3. Can I follow him and the decisions he will make for me and our children?

4. Can I make the best of a relationship with his parents that isn't starting out the way I wanted?

5. Does he have a selfish view of children? Is he going to make a great father? Does he want to father lots of children? 

6. Will he love me as Christ loved the church?

7. Is he willing to be the sole provider for our family so I can be a stay at home wife and mom?

8. Can I work on becoming and perfecting the woman that HE needs as a wife? 

9. What are ALL of his dreams and goals and how will those work with my dreams and goals? 

10.  Does he love the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind and strength? Is he trying to better himself in all of his weaknesses?

  The more I prayed and the more I opened up and discussed these issue's with Daniel, I knew the answers to all of these questions and I knew without a shadow of doubt that he WAS the man God had chosen for me! So that is my advice, Pray hard and discuss your concerns with your future mate. Have grace for his weaknesses (he will also need grace for yours) and work on perfecting your own weaknesses to become the best wife you can be! This takes a lot of time and effort but is so worth it! Funny thing is, now that we are married, we still don't think in the almost 9 years of our marriage that we have argued as much as we did during our engagement! I will say that I wish we had talked more openly about finances and taken an FPU course before getting married, that is about the only thing in our marriage that we have found to argue about! I can totally see now what God was doing in bringing my husband into my life so young. I tend to overanalyze every possible situation and scenario to avoid making a mistake to  the point of being overskeptical. God blessed me with a very decisive man who knows how to lead and gave me a long time to get to know him and build trust in him. I probably would have gotten more picky the older I got in choosing a mate! I think it's important that every girl or single lady remember that falling in love is not a fairy tale. Relationships = Work. I will say that for me, being married has been much easier than being engaged. I am the type of person who likes clearly defined goals and instructions. The bible doesn't really give us instructions about how an engagement should look but it has plenty to say about being a wife! It is well worth the extra effort to marry Mr. Right, as in... right for you! 

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