Thursday, August 30, 2012
On having faith in spite of disappointment.
I have something to admit. As happy as I am that we are having another baby, I have really had to fight disappointment over a situation in my life. I so wanted a yard for my children before we had another baby. I dream of building bonfires with them, letting them set up their tent and sleep in it, having picnics in the back yard and letting them play with balls without fear of hitting the neighbors car or Mercy running into the road. I would like to sit by their kiddie pool with them in a swim suit without being on display for the whole neighborhood because the only place to put the kiddie pool is in our driveway. I want to open the back door and sit on the deck without the roar of interestate 81 giving me a headache. Usually, I have the energy to load the children up and go elsewhere to have a good time with them but pregnancy is so confining I have to stay home all the time due to my lack of energy. Leaving the house includes packing up so much stuff, water bottles, snacks, Mercy's potty, balls, doing hair, shoes. You get the picture, I just can't do it. It isn't possible to just jump in the car and go with this many kids. Nursing a newborn and homeschooling also requires a ton of staying home which is why I wanted so much to be moved before we entered that season again. I don't do so well being trapped inside all the time and neither do the kids. We have wanted to move for years now but having a 5th child has really magnified that desire. Will you please pray with us that God will provide just the right place for our family and a way to afford it? Maybe even pray for air conditioning to go with it, especially in the schoolroom! Basically our dilemma is this, we can't afford a high mortgage payment and don't believe that is a wise thing to do for the financial future of our family. We have been searching for 2 years and basically you need cash to buy land with no residence or to take advantage of the really great affordable deals on bank owned properties around here. Cash that we don't have and may never have while our children are growing up and they are growing up fast! I am choosing to pray and believe God for a miracle. The kids have been praying about this for a long time too and I keep telling them that they have to have faith even when my own faith is weak at times.
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. "